Archive for September, 2010
September 30, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Addictions, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Sobriety, Solutions
Talking serves a purpose. It’s not just to hear ourselves, it’s meant to convey meaning, desire, preference, instruction, emotion, solution. In a recent conversation with someone important to me, the relevance of clear communication in discussion was reinforced.
We made our way through it and came up with a solution that made both of us feel acknowledged, valued and heard. It wasn’t that hard to come to a reasonable conclusion that addressed each of our concerns. And there were no ultimatums. The end result was reached through discourse – a give and take of what we wanted and why we wanted it. We listened to each other. We were heard.
And I felt respected. The topic impacts both of our lives in substantial ways. It took a little time to make our way there – really only about 2 hours. Not a bad investment of time for such an important topic. And we both seemed to be satisfied and comfortable, if not a bit tired, at the end of the conversation. We both got some of what we wanted, and the rest wasn’t so important in comparison. We have a plan and we both feel good about it.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am listening too. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 29, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Sobriety
The last week with school has been a challenge and so far, so good. When class ended last night, all I had to do was get antifreeze in the car (which was smoking when I arrived) since we just discovered a radiator leak recently. It’s a Honda, but it’s 10 years old now and starting to show some wear and tear.
Today will be filled with all of the catch up work: letters to practicum sites, another meeting with the banker, house work, and one cleaning job this afternoon. I can do it. One thing at a time will keep me on task and taking care of daily life responsibilities. Things are working out.
And things are working for friends right now too. They keep calling with good news about work, health and homelife. The momentum is building. Things are falling into place and getting better for everyone. It seems that there will be more in store for us all this last quarter of the year as we all just do what’s in front of us to do. The Higher Powers are taking care of the rest.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am doing the next thing to do. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 28, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Sanity, Serenity, Sobriety, Solutions
My faith in my ability to accomplish goals and be a happy person on the planet continues to increase. There are longstanding items from my past that surface from time to time in the form of anxiety to trip me up. When this happens – and I’m aware of it – my first impulse is to do what the 12 Step programs have taught me will quell the unreasonable , insane nature of the reaction. I focus on my breath.
Then when my breathing is no longer shallow and halting, but instead is full and regular, I pray the Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to Change the things I can (which usually means me), and the Wisdom to know the difference.” This one breif directive can return me to sanity in a moment, a breath. Sometimes I place my hands over my solar plexis as well, right at the base of the rib cage, in the middle of my body. It seems to calm any physical anxiety that my body is experiencing.
My next step, always, is to reach out to another program member. If no one answers at the first number, I leave a message and call the next person. Sometimes no one is around, so I go to a meeting. If there aren’t any meetings, I go for a walk or do some cleaning, something to keep my focus off my magic magnifying mind and on something useful or nurturing. These habits learned through the program work – without fail. They are always available and the realization that I’m never alone in any of the upset is a comfort. My sponsor tells me, if you start to think about what upsets you, stop and think about your Higher Power instead. Just replace the insanity with Spirit. It only takes a moment and my serenity can be restored – just like that!
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am doing what works. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 27, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Addictions, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Serenity, Sobriety
The feeling of freedom that comes from accomplishing my course work, on time, is wonderful. It’s not easy though. It takes thoughtful preparation, at times research and persistence.
Yesterday I was able to bring in the possibility of another customer, create an entire brochure for a class project (that really took a big chunk of time), spend some time outside with the cat on a beautiful late Summer day, and get back on track from a near meltdown regarding my serenity. I had help. My friends in Alanon, including my sponsor, kept me grounded in the principles that lead us to a joyous, happy freedom.
This morning I’m prepared for most of my day and looking forward to it. My tasks are clearly defined and my mood is serene and happy. I’m happy with me. That’s a nice thing to report right now, despite the fact that no housework was accomplished this weekend – I can live with that for today. There is so much for me to be grateful about and satisfied with, even in the face of uncertainty and change. Thank You God, Thank You God, Thank You God.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am happy today. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 25, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized
Lately, I’m faced with life events where priorities must be identified and then attended to in appropriate or logical order. It’s not always an enjoyable task. Sometimes my peace of mind is at stake because selecting the most important items is truly a challenging exercise. Also, some of what I’m doing is new to me and my levels of comfort and confidence with these tasks is fluctuating.
It’s become apparent to me that this deviation from my usual confident, comfortable approach to a situation causes a few people in my world some discomfort of their own. Perhaps they count on me to always be okay. I can’t live up to that – I’d rather be human. Whatever their issues, it’s okay for me to not have all the answers, all of the time. It’s inauthentic. No one does.
So when I ask for help from people who will probably have answers for me, it’s okay. Perhaps they’ll only be able to point me in the right direction and it’s up to me to take some risks about the rest. That’s okay too. Sometimes my choices will be right on track and sometimes I’ll make a mistake. But taking action is the point and in the most helpful order possible. There is definite progress in process with these actions. And I will learn more along the way. For that I am grateful.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am taking risks. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 24, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized
In relationships when there is confusion or misunderstanding it can be helpful to keep a curious stance, ask questions and listen carefully. This can be a challenge, but it really does work.
There are a few relationships in my life where it’s very important for me to be curious right now. It will help me stay focused on the facts so I can be thoughtful about their replies and respond. It would be easier to react and be emotional, but that doesn’t help. Reacting doesn’t connect me to other people. In fact, it could push them away.
The process also requires patience and perseverance. And these are helpful qualities to cultivate. So I’m holding space for these people and my willingness to stay connected is present and unfaltering. I really am curious about what they are thinking, what they want and how they feel. It’s not all about me. I have a part in the condition of our relationships and I’m owning it. But the focus for me now is on learning more about them.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am learning about others. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 22, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Addictions, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Sobriety, Solutions
Class work is building up. I’m approaching overload. Too many assignments and less and less time. So no posting this morning which may happen a bit more over the next couple months. While I’d rather post each day, right now first things first.
What’s important is that I take care of myself this semester – eat well, sleep enough, stay connected to people who love and support me, and check in with my sponsor when my balance seems off. Everything else that needs to, will get done. There will even be time to post on the blog, after homework and work work. And going to the meeting tomorrow will keep me fortified.
In the meantime, my breathing is deep and calm, my list of tasks is getting done, homework is in process, more payed work has come my way and it looks like there’s more coming. So all things considered, life is good and getting better. One day at a time, again.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am getting things done. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 21, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Addictions, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Sobriety, Solutions, What Works
Recently one of my sponsees acknowledged me for taking some action in some difficult times that is moving me forward toward solutions. I thanked her and appreciated the mirror.
It’s helpful to hear what others see us doing. My perspective isn’t always on track when it comes to me. My sponsee says she sees me doing the next thing to do in a difficult situation, she said, “rather than being paralyzed and just talking about it.” She told me she liked seeing the example. Well, I liked hearing her feedback that what the programs teach us appears to be working.
Today I received the first job call on the add I placed to bring in work for my husband. My specialty is marketing his skills in the construction trades – and so far, so good. He’s such a hard worker, and so conscientious. If we get this job it will more than pay for the add, and I know there’ll be more calls. Despite the difficulties, we are so blessed. And I am grateful for the forward motion. One day at a time.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am taking the next steps. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 20, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Addictions, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Recovery, Sobriety, Solutions
Sometimes in relationships my experience is indicating that we need to take things so slowly that it can be frustrating. But it’s frustrating only if I believe it’s too slow – if I want to rush in. If my belief about it is that a little at a time, we’ll make progress – then it’s no big deal.
One relationship in my life has me learning even more about patience and respecting the condition that a loved one is currently experiencing. They are challenged by a myriad of emotions and difficulties right now and aren’t themselves. My approach has been to give them plenty of room to be in that place. The burden they carry is heavy. With time and the help of their Higher Power they will make progress and hopefully seek help.
Meanwhile, when with them I breath well, look for opportunities to be of service and practice respect and loving kindness. They are living with a devastating decision and are in pain. It is not my job to fix it for them. I can allow them the dignity to be responsible for their own decisions and the consequences. It’s their business, and I need to mind my own.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am learning more about patience. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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September 19, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged 12 Step Programs, Addictions, Alcoholism, Codependency, Healthy Living, Patience, Recovery, Responding vs. Reacting, Serenity, Sobriety, Solutions
Someone in my life is dealing with their own untreated alcoholism. They aren’t drinking, but they are negative, blaming, not being accountable for their own part in situations, foul mouthed and generally critical of me and sometimes others when we are together. It’s known as a “dry drunk.”
Their belief systems are off kilter regarding me and some others. It’s obvious. They tend to project their own issues onto me when they get frustrated. Fortunately, Alanon has taught me that I don’t need to accept or own any of it. Every once in a while I may share with them something I’ve noticed, but for the most part I can just make myself scarce and treat them with love and tolerance. It doesn’t seem to ruffle me most times. Of course it can’t be at my expense that they spew. Usually, it doesn’t impact my peace of mind because the tools of the program help me take care of me and mind my own business. I just leave the room, call someone in Alanon, or go for a walk, say the Serenity prayer and treat them with respect in our dealings.
The belief system that they are operating from is skewed. They are living in the past about several issues that are not about me. These beliefs are driving them. Until they start to work some type of program and seek professional help, they may stay stuck in this place of the past that is currently a driving force. Clarity, accountability and peace will come to them when they address their own issues instead of focusing on other people. So while this person whirls, I’m able to carry on in my life with the help of my Higher Power, people who love me in and out of Alanon, and focus on what is good about every day. No small task at times, and yet it works when I practice the principles.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am focusing on me. ”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
– If you find this helpful, pass it on to others. Subscribe for Free – press the orange RSS feed in the right column for directions.
Solutions00's 