Okay, so after the Higher Power started showing itself in my life, the miracles continued and so did my learning. It was suggested to me that there were no victims, only volunteers. I was responsible for me, for taking care of me only. I needed to learn to say “No thank you,” and set healthy boundaries. Also, I learned that I an accountable for both my successes and my failures. But, any failures are simply mistakes that I can learn from by following the principles of the 12 Steps and working through them with my sponsor. This helped me start to be gentle with me.
What I started to learn about I now call safe vulnerablility. Even though I had some fear about trusting, gradually it became clear that things could actually work out without my meddling, controlling, demanding, stipulating and expecting certain results. I could hope for the best, then it was necessary to let go of the outcomes and just take care of what was in front of me to do. An inner compass started to direct my days…gratitude list, prayer, make my bed, go to work, do my work, feed me, go to meetings, call my sponsor, read the Big Book. And as I did these actions, things got better in my life. How they got better and worked out was often a mystery. And I learned to stop trying to figure it out and just accept that the 12 Step Program works – if I work it.
Life has much gray area. Prior to 12 Step Programs I lived in a safe world of black and white, right and wrong, good and bad, moral and immoral. Now it’s clear that most of life is shades of gray – and there are no books about the gray because there are no set rules for it. We just do the best we can with the help of others and the principles we learn in the Programs. Safe vulnerability helps me navigate through all of the gray. We know we are never alone and we start to trust that our Higher Power will provide for us – even if we don’t understand how. It doesn’t matter how. We learn to accept – the answer to all our problems as the Big Book tells us. And before we know it, “…before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom, a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we see how our experience can benefit others. – The AA Big Book.
Affirmation for the Day – ” I am willing to change.”
Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.
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