Posts tagged Focusing On Me

What’s Good For You, Is Good For Me


When many loved ones come to Alanon, they think the only problem is the alcoholic and the drinking.  We often have no idea how we may have exacerbated situations or contributed in any way to the problem.  As the opening says, “we have tried to force solutions becoming irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.”  Some of my service work involves speaking to families of alcoholics at a family session with a local treatment center.  One day while explaining how my focus needs to be on me, rather than the alcoholic, a realization occurred. 

After our loved ones go through treatment we hope and pray that they’ll get a sponsor, work the 12 Steps, go to AA meetings and stay sober.  We think that will take care of the problem.   I’ve seen that this is truly a family disease, which has confirmed for me that I need to do exactly those same things in Alanon.  To expect my loved ones to work the program, and not be willing to do the same myself seems hypocritical.

While we may initially go to Alanon for the alcoholic, we find love, understanding, fellowship and helpful tools for living as we learn about alcohlism and how it has affected us – changed us.  We can and do heal by getting a sponsor, working the 12 Steps and going to Alanon and open AA meetings, among other things.  As we focus on solutions our lives improve, and we can be of service to God and our fellows.  And my loved ones can confirm that I’m a happier, more serene and more sane person as a result of working the Alanon program.

     – If you find this helpful, pass it on to others.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am willing to change.”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

Course In Miracles Lesson – God, being love, is also happiness.  I seek but what belongs to me in truth.

Practice – God, being love, is also happiness – on the hour.  I seek but what belongs to me in truth – on the half hour.

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Whether regarding AA or Alanon issues The Big Book chapter, ” Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict,” – pages 448 thru 452 in the 3rd edition, or “Acceptance Was the Answer,” – pages 416 to 421 in the 4th edition have gotten me through many rough spots, particularly in dealing with the alcoholics in my life – it’s truly transformational.  It reads as follows:

… “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.  Nothing absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.  I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”…

There are situations in my life that acceptance is the only answer for right now.  I can’t change the situations, but I can be in acceptance and take care of myself and practice the principles.  Part of me wants to be upset and harbor resentments about the people involved, and when the temptation arises – and it does – I shift my focus back to me and ask God to help me with acceptance.  I also pray for the people involved as directed on page 552.

Most of the time, my serenity about these difficult situations is in a good place.  For the most part I don’t bring up the topic.  While some friends want to be upset for me, God keeps helping me remind us both that the people involved are not well.  We can have compassion for them and seek to understand.  Although I do have my moments, what works is to keep focusing on me, what the next right thing is to do, and how I can be of service – then God keeps my sanity and serenity in tact, and my days are happy.

     – If you find this helpful, pass it on to others.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I love and accept myself. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

Course In Miracles Lesson – Miracles are seen in light ,and light and strength are one.

Practice – I cannot see in darkness. Let the light of holiness and truth light up my mind, and let me se the innocence within.

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