Archive for July, 2010

Trouble Sleeping

It was a week of insomnia due to transitions and end of semester projects.  All my reserves were drawn upon and my body was in overdrive.  This is not a state of being which I enjoy or seek out.  It results from change or overwhelm or sudden uncertainty in the face of large life challenges.  Some shock is what I was dealing with and the physical symptoms led me to focus on the first three steps.

There is much in life that I’ve no power over – my life was unmanageable with the insomnia and some physical reactions.  And I’m getting better.  Meanwhile, I had to finish a paper and complete another project for presentation for two classes.  And thanks to Serenity Prayer recitations, loving support from friends and getting into a lot of action the school obligations were completed.  Only one more to go for the semester and I’m done.  Meanwhile, at home I weeded three sides of the yard, washed every floor in the house and uncluttered most of the household.  All in all, a good amount accomplished.  Nervous energy can be channeled into something positive.

The biggest opportunity for the week was to stay in a place of gratitude and focus on the miracles – literally they were miracles – that were happening all over in my life this week.  Money came to me from three unexpected sources.  More money than expected came from 3 other expected sources and just in the nick of time.  There will definitely be enough to meet the largest expenses for the month.  What happens after this month is in the future.  My focus is needed on today and that is what helps us all stay in the present, the moment and make the most of each day.  Even with the disruption of unexpected events or inconvenient changes we can use the tools of the 12 Step Programs to stay on track through most of the upheaval that life may send us.  Especially when we reach out for help.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am making progress through the change. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Curious

I’m wondering what will happen next in my life and it brings peace and some serenity in the wee hours of the morn.  I’m up finishing a project for grad school, it’s a big one and the last for this class.  Although about 75% completed, these last few sections are a bit confusing for me.  Persistence will pay if I just take it one item at a time.

Really, at this time of the night, 3:00 am. the planet feels so peaceful and after several years of disruption, trauma, drama and chaos from the mental illness and alcoholism of a few loved ones I feel peace softly breezing into my life again.  And despite the uncertainty of tangible circumstances in my life, I absolutely, without a doubt, right now know that loving, kind and generous expression is on it’s way to me from a great spirit.  While this may seem a bit vague as discussed, I’m feeling some of the same supportive and uplifting energy that infused the land in Colorado where I once lived.  The energy there filled me with peace and promise.  Spirit, please keep me in this space.

Okay, so I’m not being especially clear, but my point is that my sense of the future at this moment feels more promising and calm as I sit and listen to the sounds of peace outside my window – crickets, the soft after-rain breeze through the aspen leaves, and the still of the rest of the night.  The serenity prayer came to me before writing this and filled me up with comfort and support.  So did Steps One, Two and Three.  I need them all right now to keep me grounded and sheltered in their promise for the future.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am willing to receive the gifts of Spirit. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Many Changes Instantly

A few days ago there was a large change in my life.  There were also several mini-quakes that seemed to follow in the form of moving on from a sponsee who has been a challenge to work with, a financial down turn of monumental proportions to me, and the completion of a project that has been a draining enterprise for me. 

Two of these changes cause some sense of relief, and two of them create some uncertainty and test my resilience, my willingness to trust my Higher Powers, and my ability to stay focused on the next step and the solutions.  I made a mistake this morning and promptly shared about it with my sponsor and two very close friends in the programs.  It was important for me to share to get it out of me so that I don’t do it again.  I was instructed to forgive myself and move on to what I had to do today – which was a full schedule.  Actually, by the time I reached anyone to share about it, I’d already accomplished 3 of the important tasks that needed doing today.

Then this afternoon, I did more of those tasks and shifted my personal space at home to reflect the change that is implementing in our lives.  I’m congratulating myself, and also cognizant of my part in any of the change and willing to share about it to be restored to sanity and maintain my serenity.  And it really does work.  Once again I’ve been presented with an opportunity to see how grand the universe and our Higher Powers can be in their ability to orchestrate all of the pieces to fall into place.  I am grateful, and curious to see what happens next!

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am accepting divine grace in my life. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Getting More Organized

Getting more organized happens in starts and spurts for me.  And that’s okay.  Sometimes it takes time to develop a plan for making a space for what we have, and then deciding what we can let go of and either recycle, throw out or pass on to others who could use the items.

And it’s a process with each area of our home in which we create more space.  The result after clearing things out is a tangible lightness, a clarity about our lives and our daily routine.  There is less to think about, less to attend to, and more freedom in general.  That freedom is a gift we give ourselves when we clear out more of the debris and excess in our lives.  It’s like making more amends in Step 9 when we clean up the messes we made in our past.

Today, I cleared out clutter in our pantry and back hall.  Now all the spices are where they belong and are easy to locate.  There’s room for our shoes.  The back door can fully open because the hall is clear, and the shelves are organized.  I like having more order there, although I know it won’t last and will need to be redone in a few months.  It was possible to pass some of the excess on to a neighbor who was happy to receive it and will put it to good use.  And I can feel comfortable when people are in our kitchen because the area is no longer an eyesore, but rather a functional, organized location.  It didn’t take long to do.  The results are so worth the effort and have motivated me to do the garage next.  Shhhhh!  My husband will be so delighted and we will both live more comfortably.  And I feel better about me.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am getting more organized. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Lemonade

A friend of mine just moved to Hawaii.  She’s making the best lemonade out of her double layoff in a year from a major airline, after previously moving to another state and leasing out her home for 3 years.  She’s a diver who lived in the Midwest – not conducive to much diving.

Now her Higher Power has orchestrated her life events to direct her to this recent move to the tropics.  We are all delighted for her!  Although it seems that what led to her choosing to move was unpleasant, it was really just the nudging she needed to finally do what she’s wanted to do for years.  And so it is.  She’s happily in Hawaii, situated in a location that seems to have everything that she needs and wants to start out on a new adventure in her life.  Yeh!!!!!

We have that opportunity everytime we think some adversity is creeping in, or slamming into our lives.  Reframing it as an opportunity can help us see the silver lining, the unexpected blessing, or perhaps just the invaluable new learning that fortifies and strengthens us as we go forard on our life path.  Another of our choices, reframing is what makes the tastiest lemonade out of an otherwise sour circumstance.  Adding a little sugar can sweeten the outcome and take our lives in a whole new trajectory of experience – rich, full and abundant.  I like to have that choice on my life menu.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am making lemonade in my life. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Learning To Let Go

 

One of the women in my Alanon group received a call that her adult son is in the hospital probably dying of organ failure due to alcoholism.  He’s thousands of miles away, and she’s actually had to decide whether to make the trip to the hospital, or hang in there to see if he rallies permanently and seeks recovery.

What a horrible position to be in.  She is a great example of fortitude, patience, compassion, and enduring hope.  And she has learned to let go, detach with love and take care of herself.  This has required her to accept that she can do nothing to help her son, except to take care of herself.  That one thing is the most helpful thing she can do for this man who would otherwise be in the prime of middle age and thriving.  To some that may seem selfish.  That’s okay.  The ravages of alcoholism are too much for most of us and eventually we run out of the physical and emotional energy to persist in our efforts to subdue the monster that has hijacked our loved ones.  

Through Alanon we find strength, courage, fortitude and companions along the way.  We no longer live in secrecy and isolation about the disease of alcoholism.  Instead, we gain daily encouragement from the experience, strength and hope of others in 12 Step programs who’ve come from the same place.  And life does get better.  Little by little, day by day, our outlook on life shifts and we can see the rainbows again.  I pray today for all those out there who feel hopeless and alone that they find a 12 Step program and let the arms of the members in those groups welcome them into a new way of living.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am letting go more easily. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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ProcrastiNation

I believe ProcrastiNation is a place my mind goes to – like another planet.  Life seems to operate under a different set of rules there.  Unhelpful rules.

Grad School requires papers to be written frequently.  Not a problem really because writing comes pretty easily to me.  Although it’s not necessarily a quick process, it’s one that is usually enjoyable for me.  Lately, maybe it’s the summer weather – or perhaps I just need a break – it’s as if I painted myself into a corner on this other planet and my progress meter is running on empty.  When my sponsor returns, I’ll address it with her. 

Meanwhile, I’m talking to other members and focusing on getting this other-planetary realm out of my mind.  One thing at a time.  It seems the most productive next step is to get into action and write the 2-pager first.  Then the pressure will be off a bit to finish the 12-pager.   That I can do.  Getting into action is nearly always the best way for me to return from ProcrastiNation, and sharing with others seems to release me from it’s clutches (kind of like a breath of oxygen after diving).  Breathing helps.  Deeply if necessary.  ” This too shall pass,” – the slogan goes, and thank God for the progress.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am into action. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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