Posts tagged Letting Go

Not Knowing

Prosperity can come when we least expect it.  And that is probably a good thing.  For myself, knowing what is going to happen in advance could be a dangerous thing.  In other words, I might get in the way and mess everything up.

Some simple actions and diligent persistence are showing results in our life right now.  Business is picking up and we are actually choosing not to do a job here and there for self care.  A startling turn of events.  Delightfully startling. Don’t get me wrong, we still have plenty of debt to pay off, and we are making progress. Our opportunity is to stay in gratitude and not lose sight of who is our provider – our Higher Power.  And keeping a Higher Power in mind keeps me more sane, more serene and more focused on just doing the simple things in front of me to do.

It would be easy to take credit for these positive developments, or take them for granted.  But the 12 Step programs have convinced me, taught me over the years that but for the grace of a Higher Power my life would be in ruins, chaotic and unfulfilling.  So I will keep giving credit where it’s due, and then I do my little part.  While God is divinely orchestrating all of the rest to fall into place and thrive and grow, I get to do the little bit that is clear to me to do and for that I am grateful, and constantly in wonder at the surprising way it all works out.  Thank You God, Thank You God, Thank You God.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am doing my part. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Holding My Tongue

Yesterday a person in the throes of a dry drunk gave me reason to give them an earful.  However, I didn’t.  I want to, but I held my tongue.

Afterwards I called my sponsor and received the reassurance and confirmation that I am not crazy, and it’s not about me.  Even after all these years there are still times when it’s helpful to hear from another person that it’s their (the alcoholic’s) stuff they are projecting onto me.  It’s not mine.  I don’t have to take any of it on or let it drive my feelings and my mood.  And the best thing to do in those situations where an alcoholic is in the throes of their insane, arrogant projecting onto others is to take care of me and do what’s in front of me to do.  That may mean leaving the room, holding my tongue, calling another Alanon member or my sponsor, going for a walk, saying the Serenity Prayer over and over, or reading the Big Book on p. 552 so I don’t get a resentment.  The instructions are simple and clear, and they work.

Today, my focus is on what’s right and good and working and on doing the homework that will keep me caught up.  Then my fun for the weekend is to spend time with people who love and support me and show it.  We’re going to a movie and dinner.  That’s taking care of myself.  Yehhhhh me!

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am letting go. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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First Peas

The first time I planted peas was at the first house my parents owned.  My sisters and brother and I were very little, under 5, and we were so excited to see what the garden would produce.  I still feel that excitement and anticipation with the garden.

When we were  ready to pick the peas for the first time out to the garden we went, the 3 of us who could walk, and discovered that our peas were missing.  We looked everywhere on the plants for them – but no peas!  We couldn’t figure it out.  Then a neighbor boy came over and told us that two boys up the street had picked and eaten all of our peas.  The feelings I remember were hurt, sadness and confusion.  Why would they take our peas?  Dad got to the bottom of it and we managed to hold out another week or so for the next blooming of the peas before we tasted their sweetness.  The thing is, we would happily and proudly have shared our peas with those boys.

Planting peas this year for the first time since, that same event replayed in my mind and I had to catch myself from expecting the worst – something I learned to do growing up.  People who pick other people’s peas don’t live in every neighborhood.  Learning to let go of expectations, positive or otherwise, serves me well in these situations.  The past does NOT always inform or dictate the future.  Now I hope for the best, and leave most of the expectation to my Higher Power’s care.  So much easier.  It takes up less time in my head too.  And for the most part, good things happen in my life.  Even the questionable things usually bring helpful, positive results eventually.  And those results are out of my hands.  I like hoping for the best, and letting go of the rest.  My life is very happy and the peas are plentiful!

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am living in the moment.”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Moving Forward

 

Yesterday my husband took some action that will make a positive impact on our family.

I’ve watched him struggle over when to move forward and do what it takes to make progress in this one area.  My inclination would have been to get in there and give him gentle nudges to get things done – or worse, control!  But I didn’t.  Instead, my solutions were to talk to my sponsor, pray, and pretty much let it go – because it’s really out of my hands.  The truth is, I’m powerless over this one.

And, I do have a voice.  One of my classes compelled me to share my feelings with my husband about the situation, check on one aspect of it, and then let him decide what to do.  Yesterday, he did the next right thing to do about it.  Progress.  We’re a little closer to some healing for our family which only he can steward.  His taking action tells me that he really heard me when I shared my feelings about the situation – not my thoughts.  My feelings were mine, and there was no judgement attached to them.  For me this is huge progress from 5 years ago.  For him it’s probably a great relief (I’ll have to ask him).  Either way, I’m grateful that both of us are moving forward – together.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am letting go more easily.”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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A God Thing

 

Recently, there’s been a resurgence of me noticing the God Things in my life and with my sponsees.

In my efforts to let go and let God, it’s been important for me to let a loved one find their own way to therapy rather than arranging, manipulating or controlling it to happen.  For months now it’s not been part of my daily, or even my weekly thoughts.  Enduring the challenges that show up because this person isn’t yet addressing issues in therapy hasn’t been easy at times.

However, it’s been simple.  It means I take care of me – call my sponsor, leave the room, keep my opinions to myself, pray the Serenity prayer, go to more meetings, do what’s in front of me to do each day – and mind my own business.  The other night this loved one ran into a local professional whom they’d be interested in working with in therapy.  I know this professional.  They know about my loved one because of our acquaintance.  My hunch is that they could be a good match for some personal work which is why I gave their number to my loved one months ago – then, I gave it to God.  It’s been important for me to stay out of their business.   If it’s meant to be it will happen.  Well, they met without my “help” or interference.  As my dear friend in the heartland would say, “How usual.”  That’s a God thing.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am minding my own business.”

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Letting Go Gracefully

Today I learned of the passing of my girlfriend’s father.  She’s in 12 Step programs and has been an inspiration to me through the years.  She has been a model of grace, detachment, love  sanity and serenity in the face of difficult circumstances when dealing with her family of origin.

Her family is quite large, and as with so many of our families, some of her siblings (more than in most families) have presented her with the difficulties we face with addictions, mental illness and the boundary issues that are inherent in dysfunctional family systems.  It can be challenging.  My friend has diligently worked to determine appropriate boundaries, mind her own business and when necessary, as she would say “Just let ’em whirl.”  She’s shared this with me when I called her for her words of wisdom, and they have helped me through many of my own opportunities for growth. 

What she learned to do because of the 12 Step programs is how to be a good daughter, loving and tolerant and firm in setting helpful boundaries that allowed her to have a relationship with her father in which she could be of service.  While many were whirling around them, she was able to maintain her dignity and self respect, mind her own business and focus on what’s important in life – giving back to her father in meaningful ways that added value for both of them.  I’m grateful to be able to share the wonderful example she has set for all of us.  God bless us all.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am letting go and letting God.”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Step 3

Step 3 requires a leap of faith, a blind trust in a Higher Power that we may not even be certain exists.  Just the idea of Step 3 can make most of us very, very uncomfortable.

When we take a closer look at what we’re being asked to do, while it might not be easy, it is very simple.  We are asked to let go of our pride, our clinging to control (for some of us that means controlling everyone and everything), and our will.  What I’ve learned is that the reason I was sooooooo clinging to these in the first place was to feel safety.  Growing up in homes with dysfunctional systems operating creates uncertainty and instability for most of us as children.  We each choose different coping mechanisms to sooth the fear that uncertainty creates.  Usually, these coping choices are what we see our parents or siblings doing – and let’s face it, they aren’t the best examples of solutions available.  But in retroflect, I can see that my parents were just doing the best they could with what they’d been given, which wasn’t so great either.

So, if relinquishing control, will, and pride is about being courageous and trusting that something outside of us will provide for our well being it still feels terrifying.  I felt helpless and confused.  If I don’t manage things, how will anything work out – the way I want it to?  Well, thanks to all of you in 12 Step programs I experienced something new.  You taught me that I was not alone – you were there with me – at every meeting, on the other end of the phone when I started making calls with the phone list, through my sponsor when I asked for help, and in the miracles that started happening daily.  I had to let go of the outcomes.  My sponsor had me do a Gratitude list daily of what I was grateful for.  The first display of a Higher Power was that within two weeks I was moved in with new roomates – who totally without help from anyone else in the Program were in 12 Step programs.  We’d never seen each other at meetings.  Higher Power orchestrated the whole thing.  I love how it works.  And that was just the beginning.  To be continued…

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am willing to change.”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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