When we’re new to Alanon or it’s important to start using new language.  The focus of our attention shifts from the alcoholic to ourselves.  Our language, therefore, shifts from ” you ” to ” I.  Before Alanon, many of us have become very adept at taking the alcoholic/addict’s inventory – “You should have done this, you didn’t do that, you’re so selfish.”

Alanon teaches us instead, to speak about ourselfes and how we feel, “I feel uncomfortable about…When you drink like this I’m scared for you…I’m concerned about how this is affecting our family.”  And we can say these things in a kind, respectful tone of voice.

When a loved one was on a particularly long binge, I was able to tell him ” I’ve never seen you drink like this before and I’m concerned about your health right now.  Your skin is looking yellow and I haven’t seen you eat in days.  I’m afraid for you.”  He looked at me and said, ” What’s wrong with me?  Why am I doing this to myself?”  I asked him if he wanted to talk to someone in the program.  Then I went to work and took care of myself.  Two days later, he made a call to an AA member.  God handled it.

Meanwhile, I prayed, went to meetings, asked for prayers from friends and talked to my sponsor.  I learned to let him make his own choices.  It wasn’t easy, but Alanon has taught me to be respectful to the alcoholic/addict and allow them the dignity to make their own decisions.  It’s hard to know where the line is when health and welfare are concerned.  That’s why I call my sponsor and other Alanon members for support.

If you find this helpful, pass it on to others.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I intuitively know what to say in all situations.”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

Course In Miracles Lesson – I will accept Atonement for myself, for I remain as God created me.

Practice –  I will accept Atonement for myeself, for I remain as God created me 5 minutes in the morning, 5 minutes at night and once each hour.


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