Yesterday I got to play.  It was organized because of a class that focuses on using art.  I loveddddddd it!  We received our assignment and within seconds my internal guide was already choosing what media to work in for each of the three projects, what each one would signify and even how to construct them.

It was automatic.  It flowed.  And I was in the moment!  That’s how life is supposed to be – just flowing in the moment.  My curiosity and enthusiasm for the creative process was in gear and driving me forward with focus, while still maintaining awareness of the other students around me.  We all seemed happy.  Everyone was very polite, and considerate and willing to share materials and tools, and space while creating.  It was lovely.

The finished products were only part of the rewards of the class.  The other rewards were our insights and awareness of what we went through internally –  our dialogues, our judgements or lack there of which is the goal of course, and our inspirations.  In other words, the process was as important as the resulting products.  And I came home with three creations that are my own Self Expressions.  That was the assignment, and I’m delighted with both the process and these new works of art that decorate my living space to remind me of where my Spirit, my Essence abides.  Play is very useful.  It reminds me of me and my Higher Power.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am having fun. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Last Sunday I attended a meeting which felt like coming home again.  When I was new in the program (only a few months in) another member shared with me about a meditation meeting she attended weekly at a local nondenominational church.  Anyone was welcome.  It was a guided meditation which was perfect for me as a relative newcomer to the meditation process and it opened new horizons for me spiritually.

That meditation group was the first in many steps on my spiritual quest, which continues today.  Those steps have led me to Native sweat lodges, Himalyan caves, foothill Ashrams, yurts at the base of the Grand Tetons, channelers near Garden of the Gods, cliff dwellings by Four Corners, tea houses in botanic gardens, Medjugorge Catholic pilgrimaging, Elk meadows mountain trails, Unity churches in Florida, Colorado and Minnesota, Mormon churches, Jewish Temples, Buddhist meditation centers, First Universalist churches, several other nondenomicational churches, and numerous other encounters with spiritual people and other spiritual beings.  I came to the planet rather mystically, already predisposed to premonitions, extreme sensitivity and knowingness about people even as a toddler.  I remember it.  No one told me about it.  I came this way.

Now I let that knowing part of me lead me to where Spirit dwells here and there in my home town.  I’m not saying that it isn’t in all of us.  It’s just that there are certain places where I sense it more strongly than others.  Where I resonate with the members, or the site more clearly.  It is in those places that my spirit is nurtured and encouraged to spring forth in a stronger more powerful way with the Divine.  It is those places to which I’m drawn, and drawn to return.  That’s what I encountered last Sunday.  The 11th Step says we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact…  There is no judgement in the Step about where we do that.  How wonderful!  Everyone is included from whatever faith or tradition or belief!  How divine.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am connecting with Spirit. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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There’s still snow on the ground, about half-cover.  But Spring rains are melting it as I write.  It’s a happy dance of downpours up here on the highlands.  Down river it’s making for rising flood waters as the river people sandbag to save their homes from another overflow situation.  It reminds me how much perspective influences our view of life.

As a gardener, I can’t wait for the snow to melt and the ground to dry out enough for Spring tilling.  The farmers are happy too, at least those in the Northland, because in a week, the midwest will be saturated from higher than normal snowfall melt.  And it will pass leaving a wake of damage and delays for the Midland farm belt.  I’m focusing on the positive and praying for those who are less fortunate.

12 Step programs have taught me of the duality of life and how we can choose our focus.  The past three weeks were overwhelming for me, however, I did finish my work on time and should receive good grades.  My blood pressure paid some, and to overcome that blip, I’ll be exercising again on a regular basis to get back in shape after the sedentary shift of school work.  It felt so good to get out for a walk on Saturday, moving around physically instead of just exercising my brain!  The rain will deter the outdoor exercise this week, however, I have an elyptical to work inside to compensate.  Balance is so important, and getting back to my more balanced routine now that the heaviest of the school work is past elevates my spirit and makes me smile.  I choose to smile.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am smiling today. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Three of my seven classes ended this week to a round of applause and great relief from me!  I set myself up for more stress than necessary.  Although it was in the interest of learning more for future resources, the scheduling was too much for me the last three weeks.

It isn’t the first time I’ve set myself up, however, it is the second time in the last six months or so as I push myself to finish a three year degree in two years in order to start earning a living sooner.  Our financial state requires it.  It’s time to start making a lot more money to pay off debt and stay current on the regular monthly bills.  Alanon has taught me over the years to avoid this over doing it type of scheduling, and other than grad school, I’ve learned to say “no” more and schedule less.  So this has been an anomaly, a blip in my self care regimen and now the worst of it is completed.

And in the midst of it all, these last two weekends have included some FUN! for a change.  A night out listening to a friend’s blues band, a night at the opera with my sister, a lovely organic lunch and catching up with my husband’s brother and his wife and kids, and dinner with a friend also to catch up all made the last week more balanced.  Next semester will include dropping two of the five classes I’m currently registered for to keep my sanity sustained.  It’s my last semester and includes practicum and writing my dissertation.  It will be busy, but more manageable.  And with the coming of Spring in our tundra land, the days are brighter, the end of school is in sight and new possibilities for my career are falling into place.  There’s much to be grateful for and appreciate!

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am almost there. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Okay, so I set a goal to do three posts per week.  Not so much, so far.  However, there’s still time to do two this week.  And I’m not going to beat myself up about it because with all that my life entails right now, it wouldn’t be fair or appropriate.

Right now my weeks consist of a practicum (21 hrs./wk.), 12 grad school credits of class, designing my thesis proposal, just registered for my last semester of school, running a household, caring for a pet, cleaning houses, marketing, bidding, hiring and supervising for a remodeling business, sponsorship, volunteering and attempting to maintain some level of significant relationship and a social life for my sanity somewhere in between all of it.  And never mind the required detachment with love from those who are still in “hijacked” status with alcoholism.  Oh, and the hormonal storms – almost forgot.

So all in all, I’m doing really well with all of this activity and the personal challenges.  And where is a Higher Power in all of that – well we talk a lot these days.  Sometimes we have teary conversations when I’m in overwhelm like this week (I was mad at Alcoholism).  And sometimes I receive gentle nudges to encourage me on to the next thing to do.  I’m exhausted, but my self care is good – plenty of sleep, regular meals, minimal anger that I get to transform into anticipation, and lots of connection on the phone or in person with my support network of friends.  I am so very blessed and I see the light at the end of the tunnel with school!

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am doing my best. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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Tonight a man named Henry came to the door looking for work shoveling us out of the most recent big snow storm.  I had only 10 minutes earlier come in from trying to shovel the front walks and had only made a dent before my back protested and I was done.

I wanted to hire him, but unfortunately the last of my cash went to gas for the car.  His industrious activity at nearly 9:30 pm. is impressive and inspiring.  We are taught in 12 Step programs to do what’s in front of us to do each day.  That is what Henry was doing – making the most of what was an obvious opportunity, thanks to Mother Nature.

Henry was a good reminder, and if I can get the cash tomorrow I’ll call him  – I asked for his number before he moved on.  I admire his industry.  He set a good example for me and for the community as he continued down the street knocking on the doors of homes still snowed in.  Hopefully, he’ll be met with positive responses and receive good money for his hard work.  We all deserve to be fairly compensated for the life energy we expend, one day at a time.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am doing what is next to do. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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And fortunately, all I have to do is hang in there and just keep going forward one day at a time.  No decisions required.  Just doing what’s in front of me to do is enough.  And I’m only just starting.  What I’m finding is that I’m becoming more curious all the time about what will happen in the process with clients.  It’s a great honor to do this work.

Meanwhile, I’m so sorry to readers for my absence these past several weeks.  My overwhelm is starting to subside regarding the full schedule.  My goal is to do at least 3 new entries per week going forward.  That seems to be doable.  Any more right now might be setting me up for failure or frustration.  Self care is really important to do for me, for my family, my friends and coworkers.  I’d rather set myself up for success.  Guess I’m still learning about that – and I’m willing to learn.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am willing to keep learning. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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The other day a good friend of mine reached out for Alanon support.  I was so grateful for a few different reasons.

First, I’d wondered to what degree her husband’s drinking might be interfering in their relationship.  She’d mentioned it in the past, but not gone into much detail about it.  My guess was that there may be more to it, but Alanon has taught me to be patient, and mind my own business.  When she asked how I did it when times got tough at home in my family, as Alanon suggested I shared my experience, strength and hope about how the 12 Steps and other Alanon members supported me to take care of me first.

The second reason I was glad she’d called was because due to diminished sleep for three days, my condition was “vulnerable” teetering on “weepy to pity party.”  Although I hadn’t yet crossed the line to full pity, it was dangerously about to infringe upon my serenity and sanity.  Her call got me out of myself and reminded me to be available to pass on what has been so generously shared with me through the years.  Really, thank God for her call.  She saved me from going down the road to insanity and unreasonability.  The gifts of the program are wonderous and timely.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am approachable. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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My schedule is full and my attitude is good!  Although there is little time for discretionary activities, I’m fully engaged in what my next task or class or opportunity requires.  It’s exciting.

One thing that is of utmost importance to me now is learning better self care.  Although I’m pretty good at it most of the time, the balance is what needs more focus now.  Lot’s of baking and quick cooking in between errands, class, homework and household maintenance has been so heart warming for me.  Good for the stomach too.  And I get to share the end result with people in my life.  How nice!

My next few months will continue to be full and take me into new areas of awareness which will help me with my future work.  It’s a pleasure and an honor to travel the new terrain of information with a host of cohorts whom I’ve come to know as dedicated professionals who want to be of service.  What a gift for me.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am enjoying my days. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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The semester and my internship are in full swing now.  And so far, so good.  It’s been a treat to be in more advanced classes that really focus on application of the knowledge.  Our projects make good use of the theory we’ve learned over the past several semesters and we’re doing mostly projects and papers, with very few tests.

I’m grateful for the switch to application.  For me, that is how real grasp of the material is guaged – by how well we can apply it in real time situations.  Although it’s a little daunting now to have the responsibility of working with clients solo at times, the learning curve is making itself known and that in and of itself tests me.

It seems to be the same with the 12 Step Programs.  With our sponsors, we work through the 12 Steps to learn the information.  But how to apply these new skills is another learning process all together.  With guidance and direction from our sponsor we learn to use the tools of the 12 Steps appropriately, wisely and we start to develop the critical thinking skills that so many of us grew up without.  The ability to think critically, to discern with an eye on everyone involved in the whole picture instead of just focusing on our own self interest is crucial to our growth.  It’s also crucial to maintain our sanity and serenity – from which spring the perfect conditions for The Promises that tell us we will be happy, joyous and free.  Thank You God.

Affirmation for the Day – ” I am learning to use what I’ve learned. ”

Remember to say the affirmation at least 3 times whenever you remember it, preferably in front of a mirror.

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